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Post by angoti on Sept 20, 2023 12:43:20 GMT -6
A little boy asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied,
"No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
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Post by angoti on Sept 20, 2023 12:58:14 GMT -6
Cowboy goes out riding. Gets captured by natives and is told that now is a holy time so he may live in their camp for 3 days while the holy time comes to a close. The cowboy agrees.
First day he askes his guard if he can go talk to his horse. The guard wants to know why. So he explains that he had been with his horse for 10 years and just wants to bid him farewell. So the guard thinks about and finally agrees. So the cowboy goes up to his horse, whispers in the horses eat and the horse takes off like a streak of lightning. Smiling to himself he goes back to his tent. 2 hours later the horse comes moseying back, a pair of naked ladies on his back. The ladies and the cowboy head in to the tent and have sex.
Second day. He askes guard again if he can go talk to his horse. The guard says I see what you're up to. The cowboy says you do? The guard nods and says I get her after you do. Cowboy shrugs, heads down to the pen with his horses is. again he whispered in the horses ear, horse takes off again like a streak of lightning about 3 hours later the horse comes moseying back he's got three naked ladies on his back so the guard, the ladies and the cowboy go and have an orgy.
Third day. The day of his death. The cowboy askes again to talk to the horse, the guards tells him he doesn't have time to have sex, the cowboy says I know, this time I mean it I just wanna say good by to him. He was a good horse and I wanna tell him so. So the guard let's the cowboy down to the pen and he goes over to his horse, the cowboy grabs the horse's rains, looks him dead in the eye and screams out at the top of his lungs....
I. SAID. POSSE!!!!
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Post by galaxytrash on Jan 18, 2024 18:06:59 GMT -6
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Post by hsbob on Feb 3, 2024 12:11:43 GMT -6
Corey Perry walks into a bar and struggles ensue.......I'm workin' on the rest of it.
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Post by galaxytrash on Mar 1, 2024 5:31:44 GMT -6
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Post by Tater on May 8, 2024 10:14:50 GMT -6
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Post by galaxytrash on May 16, 2024 21:36:30 GMT -6
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Post by galaxytrash on Sept 2, 2024 7:54:24 GMT -6
Pink panthers version a bit better but not by much.
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Post by Tater on Sept 2, 2024 11:20:17 GMT -6
I ate a kids meal at McDonald's today.
His mother did not seem happy.
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Post by Tater on Sept 8, 2024 1:47:10 GMT -6
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Post by T-man2010 on Sept 17, 2024 17:41:33 GMT -6
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Post by galaxytrash on Sept 25, 2024 6:42:21 GMT -6
i love bill hader and i love martin short.
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Post by vadarx on Sept 25, 2024 9:22:23 GMT -6
i love bill hader and i love martin short. do you love Barry? |
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Post by galaxytrash on Sept 25, 2024 14:14:52 GMT -6
i love bill hader and i love martin short. do you love Barry? Nevee seen it but i would like to. |
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Post by vadarx on Sept 25, 2024 18:31:11 GMT -6
Nevee seen it but i would like to. well, now you have two shows to watch (Barry and Curb)... |
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Post by Curly on Mar 4, 2025 11:21:59 GMT -6
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Have your parents tell you a story with a moral at the end.
>
> The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
>
> 'Johnny, do you have a story to share?'
>
> 'Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Carol. She was a pilot
> in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy
> territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a
> survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't
> break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy
> troops.
>
> She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets,
> killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she
> killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.'
&g t;
> 'Good Heavens' said the horrified teacher. 'What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?'
>
> 'Stay the fuck away from Aunt Carol when she's drinking.
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Post by Curly on Mar 6, 2025 10:57:08 GMT -6
A woman happened to be following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson while grocery shopping.
The grandfather certainly had his hands full with the child who continually screamed for candy and cookies. But, the grandfather spoke in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy boy".
The boy continued with the outbursts and the grandfather calmly said: "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, son."
At the checkout the little horror continued throwing items out of the cart but in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William."
Very impressed, the woman walked outside to where the grandfather was loading his groceries and the little boy into the car and said, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William certainly is lucky to have you as his Grandfather."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "But I'm William. This little bastard's name is Kevin!"
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Post by Curly on May 18, 2025 20:25:37 GMT -6
A young ventriloquist was touring Sweden and, one night, he was doing a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he started going through some of his standard dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stood on her chair and started shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. It's people like you who make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general; pathetically, all in the name of humor!"
The stunned ventriloquist started to apologize, but the blonde interrupted and screamed, "You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit sitting on your lap."
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